baa baa black sheep

6.09.2006

Water is natural. Really!


2:31 p.m.

It's thundering, and tomorrow is my last day in this office, and I'm totally wearing a long peasant skirt and flip-flops. It doesn't seem to matter, in this darkened empty building. I've finished all work commitments, and have happily been reading about grad schools, reading entire blogs by strangers, and drinking an inappropriate amount of Gatorade.

Because blue is my favorite flavor!

It's been a busy week, and I'm happy it's nearly over. I wish Justin would be around this weekend, but I have the Worst Dog Ever to keep me company. The cats don't count.

I pulled out some rings and put them on this morning.

This week I am trying to decide if it would be better to go ahead and take the GRE this summer and apply to places this winter...or if I should wait another year. Move next summer to the Seattle area, work another year, and THEN go back to school. I started thinking about this because all the places I want to apply, except for one, are in the Seattle area. They require a test you can only take certain dates IN Washington. It got me wondering about my time line, about our financial situation, etc. Today, in addition to doodling a lot of flowers and a Trogdor-esque dragon, I started making a pro and con list.

Look at me! I'm trying to be practical!

So far the list is leaning heavily on the go-ahead-and-move-when-Justin-graduates-and-
then-apply-places-after-you're-there-and-settled side. We'll see. I'm trying to think of everything, and I'm trying to not let emotions play too heavily in my decision. I should be admired and praised, because I am the girl who went to MU for my bachelors because I had a good vibe about it. I am the girl who wouldn't sell her nasty old beat-up car to buy a better one because it had really been there for me in some tough times.

So, we'll see where the list takes us. I need to review it and over-analyze and over-agonize for at least another two days. And also drag Justin into repeated annoying conversations about it.

In other news, the scary acne fest of 2006 is clearing up. It all started some time...earlier this year, when I wanted to be more grown-up about my appearance. (Let's remind ourselves that I am wearing a long peasant skirt that I dyed myself, flip flops, and a white t-shirt that has gold HORSES galloping across it, along with three yellow felt stars. At work. I love you, Forever 21. You and your delightfully horrible t-shirts. Heart!) I think because the woman who sometimes shares an office with me uses a lot of nice-smelling lotions and fancy Mary Kay skin care crap. Also every girl I know gets manicures and pedicures, apparently, and this weekend I realized I was still sporting the toenail polish from my night of prom chaperoning.

So, I dyed my hair red. Oooh. (Now it's back to nearly black, because I can not commit to a hair color. Also, this way I tell myself I look more like Lauren Graham.) I got the annoying but successful haircut, where my freakish varying lengths and split ends were tamed into more manageable nice layers. The other day I went to the Bath and Body Works semi-annual sale, and loaded up on smelly crap, I mean lotions and body washes, so I might smell like gardenias and honeysuckles. Delightful! I smell like a flower garden! An early morning fragrant flower garden. I will be followed by butterflies and, um, hummingbirds, who are attracted to my delicate floral aroma. Petals and music notes will emanate from my very skin!

They have very convincing sales women.

(And, can anyone tell me, if the product says "This finished product not tested on animals" does that mean BEFORE it's finished they're slathering up baby rabbits and depressed monkeys with it? I'd like to know if this honeysuckle crap was secretly poured into the eyes of mice before I bought it.)

But the stupid thing I did was go buy new facial products.

And by "new", I mean "any."

See, every few months, when I get one or two little menstruation-related pimples, I freak out and think maybe I should buy a new line of skin care stuff. And always regret it. In Missouri, I finally found one that worked (and by "worked," I mean "didn't destroy my face entirely"), an anti-bacterial thing that probably helped because of the humidity. As soon as we moved here, however, it dried out my skin completely and I threw it out. Other failures followed, and I didn't give it a lot of though.

But this time, after reading articles and following the advice of a former beautician, I went out and bought a cleanser, moisturizer, the whole damn SYSTEM. It's time to grow up, with the face care! I thought. I'm 25! I must moisturize! I must exfoliate! I must tone! I followed instructions carefully.

After a week, my face broke out entirely. And my neck. Anywhere the new products had cleaned, my skin freaked out. NO AREA WAS SAFE. And not just...little pimples. Big ugly ones that lasted. And lasted. And lasted. We're talking complete face devastation.

It's taken almost three weeks for this mess to clear up. Effectively destroying any positive self-esteem built lately, the fragile self-esteem that balanced delicately on bigger thigh muscles and me being more happy with my rear. (Running! Who knew?)

I hid the new products in the medicine cabinet, back where I can't see them. Where useless products die. (They were too expensive to just...throw away.) Funny how ALL skin products boast proudly that they are "hypoallergenic" and "designed for sensitive skin." WHATEVER, LAB-MANUFACTURED CRAP.

I'm back to my old system.

My old system isn't...correct. It shouldn't work. But my old system keeps my face clear, except for the occasional period/stress pimple. And those are usually brief, fleeting. I'm sort of embarrassed to admit what I use before/in between these cycles of trying official cleansers that KILL MY FACE AND MY SOUL. (Sensitive skin, yes?) Reluctant and ashamed! The way all good blogs should make me feel!

The secret?

Is, um...water.

Yes.

I wash my face with water.

I break out a little soap for the t-zone (nose, chin). (I'd like to point out I spelled it 'noze' first time around.) (Also, I am parentheses-happy.)

Is that gross? Is that wrong? I don't wear much make-up, except for special occasions. Then I use a real cleanser. Then I break out. Then I want to cry a lot. Really, I just wear powder and a little blush. So isn't water and the occasional bare minimum of soap just sort of...natural? If I lived a wild existence in the woods, there wouldn't even BE fancy cleansers and toners and moisturizers. Just like...berries. And bananas.

And squirrels!

I have to end this post now.

It's officially humiliating/out of control.

Love,
black sheep

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