baa baa black sheep

9.07.2007

Post in which I finally discuss my feelings on baby-making.

7:54 a.m.

Swistle, are you ready?

Here's something I've been mulling over for the last, oh, bajillion centuries. It's been bothering me a lot the last few months, now that we're legally wed and all, and I remembered last night that it's been about a year since my vague description of this (see the eighth if you care, I can't figure out what I did to my archiving system, exactly). What happened was, I may or may not have been pregnant. There was a super late period (by a month or so) some weird positive pregnancy tests, and huge painful boobs, and fatigue and me throwing up every night from 7-10 and also craving Tabasco sauce and dumping it on everything. I took a lot of tests because I didn't know what to think, and the tests switched to turning up negative and then I had the worst bleeding of my life and I thought maybe I had been pregnant. But...I didn't go to the doctor and it's hard to say for sure. I felt very, very certain. But unvalidated.

At any rate, emotionally it was pretty bad and we had been very scared and then very excited and joyful and then sort of confused and when it was all over, I felt sad. So, so, so sad, and like I didn't have a right to be sad, because I hadn't made it to a doctor, even. It felt crippling and awful. It was very sobering. And then for several months I just wanted to have a baby. Babybabybabybaby. I'm getting older! 26 is so old! Babybabybabybaby!

When I was a teenager with too many extra-curriculars I would proclaim that I would never have kids. That maybe I would never marry! Take that, the man! Take that! I had my own agenda! I remember my first "job," a summer baby-sitting stint when I was 16. I took care of a two year old and an eight month old. The two year old was mischievous, in the middle of being potty trained, and very energetic. He swung between emotions wildly. (Rage and sorrow and glee, in that order.) I cleaned a lot of pee off the bathroom walls that summer. The baby was easy, except for the days the mom would say "okay, sorry, he doesn't feel good today!" or "he's cranky today!" before leaving the house. Sometimes it was so frustrating. Other times it was really fun.

As I was packing the baby around one afternoon while his brother napped, singing Beastie Boy songs and probably thinking something stupid about how tan I wanted to get that summer, I caught a glimpse of myself, with the baby propped on my hip, and to my 16 year old eyes I looked so old. Me, holding a baby! I thought, "Oh, boy, this could be me if I'm not careful!" and thought, "No kids! Take that, the man!" But also, I thought about how the baby fit so easily on my hip, and how I didn't look weird holding a baby, that it wasn't really that foreign. But no! The man!

Later, in college, I changed it to "maybe I'll want kids" and gradually to "I'll probably want to raise a family" and now I swing wildly between "man, I reeeeeally want kids" to "having kids is scary, how do you possibly know when you're ready?" to "maybe I'm not the right sort of person to even have children" to "I feel ready!" to "Oh, boy, I am not ready!"

I worry about it, quite a bit.

And trust me, Googling "am I ready to have a baby?" or "when do you know when to have a baby?" is NOT THE ANSWER. It will only make you lose faith in humanity.

TRUST ME.

And "feeling ready" is scary to me. Right? Sort of scary?

So, worrying it is.

I worry about the decision making process. I worry that I either won't be thoughtful enough about it or that I'm being too thoughtful. I worry that we need to wait several years for financial stability, and I worry that we'll never really feel completely financially ready and that we'll just have to take the plunge. I feel that I could agonize myself to death over the decision, and that worries me, too. I worry we won't be ready, or that we'll wait too long.

How do people know when they're ready? I feel as if I'm almost beyond the baby-craving (I've experienced that ticking clock for quite some time, when I felt that I must have a baby, a tiny little baby) and have moved on to thinking a lot about having children, adolescents, teenagers, adult sons and daughters. I think having children sounds good and exhausting. They are hilarious and tragic and amazing. Thinking about having teens, with cell phones, and car accidents, and going off to college and making sure they know about birth control and how to avoid alcohol poisoning and experimenting with substances, oh my! Isn't that crazy? But I love teenagers. I worked with them. The "bad" ones. I love them. Also, they made me crazy.

Especially the ones with phones.

We talk about how we would feel if our kids turned out one way or another. I say, "What if they are truly awful people?" The answer, of course, is to still love them and help them in the best way possible, but gosh, do you ever worry that one day you just won't like your kid? That they'll end up being awful? That they'll grow up to be everything you dislike or stand against, and there you go, you have a kid you don't like? (I also am anxious our children won't like me.) Because I've seen people with kids they don't like, and it breaks my heart for everyone involved. It's nasty and sad and horrible. I don't want that. We also talk about how it would be to have a kid with a medical or mental disease, and how it would be hard but okay. I wonder, if I feel that way, if we shouldn't adopt a kid with special needs.

We talk about how kids are f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

We talk about how horrible the world is, and we're both sort of convinced that the world won't be livable in 100 years anyway, and why isn't anyone listening to Stephen Hawking? The humans have fucked the planet, and it scares me for future people. Why aren't people doing things? Why aren't we paying attention? Politics are nasty, wars are nasty, people are dying dying dying, we're going to see some serious climate issues, even the glaciers, they are going away and awful things are happening and awful people are in charge. How can we, in good conscious, bring more people into this world? Why would we do that to someone we liked, let alone loved? I worry about that a lot.

I worry that I'm too selfish for kids, that I like my life the way it is and I like sleeping and I like freedom. I read lots o' "mommy blogs," lots and lots and lots. I fret over how many women seem so tired, frazzled, stressed out, and angry with incompetent partners. I worry about how many seem lonely and bored. Some seem so overwhelmed, and it scares me. Then I see others where things seem to be going along, if not perfectly, then functionally and happily, which is awesome. I see others who seem soooo on top of it, who seem so amazing that I feel I could never compare. I think of my mom and how she had twins and then my sister, and how the household ran smoothly. There was a lot going on, but she worked full time and always made dinner and the house was taken care of, we all pitched in. Our home stayed very clean and the yard stayed very tidy, it thrived. My father did a lot. The competency of a partner seems so important. I compare that in my mind with other stories, with threats that "once you have kids, that's it, you'll never even be able to shower regularly and you'll never have a life again, OMG" and it scares me and confuses me. I wonder how things will pan out. I wonder if I'm stupid for thinking I can strap a baby to me while I paint or if I'm dumb for thinking I can draw while a toddler naps. I wonder if I'm just an idiot for thinking I could function as an artist with a baby. (There were some awesome parents, men and women, in art school. I remember them with their babies in slings while they made pots, worked on drawings, etc. The babies were so mellow, and just snuggled up against the parent while the parent worked with clay. The parents would switch off when they needed to do something non-baby-strapped. I was in awe of them.) I wonder if I'm just sooooo weird for thinking J will split the parenting with me, that we will take turns getting up at night and changing diapers and playing. He's declared it, vehemently, that hell yes, it would be his kid too, we would obviously BOTH be doing the hard work. Is that so bad? To already be working that out? Is it bad to assume or not assume that it would be so? Because it seems obvious to me, but I don't know. I've not had a baby. I always just assumed the partner would be in it, 100 percent.

Haha, you think, she so obviously has never had kids! She so obviously doesn't know what she's talking about! I worry you think that.

I worry about the judgement of other mothers. I probably won't breastfeed, because I feel that taking my medications that keep me sane would be more beneficial to everyone. Is that selfish, or smart? I want to use cloth diapers, for the environment. Is that stupid, or smart? People have already questioned that decision, and I'm not even remotely pregnant. We don't want our kids to watch television for at least a few years, due to study upon study I've read. Especially about things designed for babies. Is that insane, or smart? I don't feel compelled to be all "HEY I DON'T THINK TV IS GOOD FOR YER KIDZ," because every situation is different and I don't feel super judgy about things, but I know how it can be. I also don't want them to eat total crap. Is that naive, or smart? I know you adjust as you parent, but we have core beliefs and values, and I worry about people not respecting them or how we want to do things. I fret internally about the grief we will be given. I worry that people are already thinking, "Oh, she's so green, she has no idea! She'll turn the TV on the first night and give the baby a bottle of Mt. Dew!" It makes me feel itchy.

I worry that I won't be a good parent. I worry that I'm too crazy, I'm too protective, I'm too hippie-ish, that I'll be waaaay too relaxed about some things and too insane about others. I worry that giving up our freedom would be harder than I think, and I will be cranky because of it. I worry that I'll be overwhelmed or that I'll screw a kid up emotionally. I feel very flawed, and I don't want that to hurt someone else.

There's a chance I'm infertile, and I worry that it won't really bother me, in the long run. I worry that it's weird that if I'm infertile, I won't feel compelled to have my own children. I think about trying for years with infertility treatments, the emotional and physical roller coaster ride, and I think, "Ugh, why would I do that to myself?" I think there are lots of kids out there who desperately need homes, and that if I'm infertile, well, shouldn't I be focusing my energies on kids who need help? I worry that that attitude is insensitive to others, and that having our own natural child would be amazing and reward and god, Kara, you can't even comprehend it! Don't be so stupid! Maybe I shouldn't be all "oh well!" I've had time to think it through, and I've sort of come to that place. That having our own would be nice, but helping someone else might be nicer. I worry that maybe we shouldn't even TRY to have natural kids, for the very reason that the world is fucked up, and instead of producing more people, I should be helping kids who are already here, who are in need. I worry that this makes me sound terrible, or alienating, or maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about. I worry that I am unnatural for thinking that way. I keep my mouth shut about such things, in fear of sounding ignorant or turning people off. But I think about them all the time.

I worry about small things, like "Will I love the pets as much?" "I don't even know how car seats work!" "Is the baby supposed to sleep on its back or tummy? WHICH IS IT?" "I don't want to poop during labor!" and "OMG STITCHES ON THE VAGINA?!" Bigger things, that I should worry about, I don't. I feel matter-of-fact about possibly finding pot in my future son's room or that my daughter could be a lesbian. I feel very calm about dealing with some things, and very anxious about others.

There are other things, immediate, right-now things. Our house is tiny, I'm on medications that aren't good for developing fetuses (as proven in rodents when given 41 times the human dose, but still), I need an ultrasound to see what's going on in my cranky uterus. Yesterday, however, I had this moment, this "Oh, it would all work out" moment, which is precisely how I felt a year ago. Scared, but joyful, and we felt that we, obviously, would make it work. The worry is overtaken by the fact that sometimes? Sometimes I feel very opposite.

Sometimes I remember that I have joy in my heart, and love to give. J and I love each other so much, and want to give that to children. We are happy, when we think about playing with kids and going on trips and education and finding out whether our future children will be poetic or sportsy or both, or as I was as a child, unable to shut up and convinced they could save the whales. We wonder if they will be smart, or funny, or anal, or shy. The "why do people EVER have kids?" feeling is replaced by how natural it is, and how yes, overall, we want that. I want to share laughter and learning and growth and closeness. I remember that if we accidentally got pregnant next week, it would be fine and happy and things would be fine. I remember that if we wait a year or three, it will be fine. I remember that if we try, naturally, a few years, and then decide to adopt? That if we decide something else entirely? That will be fine. We love each other and we are reasonably intelligent people, and everything would be okay.

A year ago I felt crazed. The baby lust grabbed me and shook me around and made me think long and hard. For a year I've thought about it and thought about it, discussed it and worried and declared this and that, but I guess the bottom line is, no matter what we do, it'll be okay.

So!

Kisses to you all,
black sheeped

23 Comments:

Anonymous Pickles & Dimes said...

I love your writing, so imagine my glee when I saw this awesome long post.

I am so *rightthere* with you on a lot of those things. But I've got a few more years on you. :)

I think this part resonated with me the most: I worry that I won't be a good parent. I worry that I'm too crazy, I'm too protective, I'm too hippie-ish, that I'll be waaaay too relaxed about some things and too insane about others.

That, my dear, is precisely what parenting is about. What good parenting is about.) Although I don't have kids, so I should just shut up.)

12:12 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger Jess said...

This post is so amazing. It's one of those posts where you read that and it's like reading your own thoughts. I want to say especially the part about adoption, especially the part about bringing kids into the world, especially the part about losing your principles, especially the part about maybe being too selfish, but really it's especially all those parts, because this so exactly exactly how I feel.

But I know that I'll end up having kids, and I think I'll end up being a good mother. And I think that if you end up having kids, you'll end up being a good mother too.

1:03 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger Mommy Daisy said...

Ultimately, you came to the answer. It's fine no matter what happens.

There are many tough decisions in life, and whether or not to have children, adopt, etc. is a biggie. But you will just know some day. You talk very passionately about adoption. I think that might be a possibility for you whether or not you have your own natural children. Seems like it would suit you. But you're the only one who knows you.

I took a break while typing this comment to tickle my son and "toss" him on the couch. That smile on his face was priceless. And I may not know how to handle finding pot in his room when he's a teenager, but I know right now that I care for him and love him. He's happy, and in that moment that's all that mattered.

1:48 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger jen said...

I just couldn't wait to finish reading this post to comment. I just wanted to say: I fret over how many women seem so tired, frazzled, stressed out, and angry with incompetent partners. Honestly first of all we all just bitch on our blogs and there's good things there that we sometimes forget to write about. And your mother probably had just as hard a time in the "before you remember" years. It definitely gets easier when there's no diapers and naps and the children can help out (at least... that's what I think.)

But wow, a lot of thoughts! In the end for me, I just wanted the happy squishy newborn. Call me shallow. I had a similar scare a you did, and I totally related to you in that paragraph. It was never confirmed, the drs were nasty to me, I'll never know. But it made me think.

You'll be a fine parent. You both will. Your partner is competent, even though sometimes you'll hate him and feel like he's just another child to take care of, but that's just the way it goes :) You just do it.. wing it... play as you go. It's hard to screw up a kid, at least any more screwed up than any of us is.

And if you're like me you'll still love the dog just as much as the kids. ;)

2:04 PM, September 07, 2007  
Anonymous Swistle said...

Here are the things I think!

1) This whole post was really great. REALLY GREAT.

2) I loved it.

3) You and I have similar brains. We think in similar ways. I have worried these worries.

4) What worked for me was thinking, "I can't KNOW. But do I think I would rather regret having kids, or regret NOT having them?" I thought I was more likely to regret NOT having them. Then I realized that for my personality, it worked best to close my eyes and jump (this is also how I get into cold water). And I jumped. Sometimes I look back with a little shudder, like, "What if I HADN'T?" But of course I wouldn't have known! And maybe I'd be over there, kidless, thinking back with a little shudder about how I almost had kids, yerg!

5) It is good to worry. It's probably bad to go into it without thinking of these things.

6) Sometimes it's good to look at the big picture, and sometimes that's too overwhelming and it's better to look at the small picture. And sometimes the small picture is too oppressive and it's better to go back to the big one again. I do whatever feels nicer. Sometimes I think about how all this "young, crying kids" thing is going to be over someday and we'll have the house to ourselves again and I'll be going to weddings and holding grandchildren. Sometimes I think about how it's 3 hours until bedtime. Sometimes I think about how someday all of us will be dead and it won't really matter what I decided to do, reproductively speaking. Sometimes I think about how having kids is extremely personal, and it's okay to do it my way and be my own kind of mother. Sometimes I think about how all of love and sex and everything is just about continuing the species, and all my agonizing and worrying just comes down to passing on my genes. WHATEVER MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.

7) I would like you to have a baby. I think you'd be good at it.

8) Justin sounds really, really great. Exemplary. I think that's the word I mean. I think he means what he says. I think you have a PARTNER there. Not that I know anything about him. But that's how he comes through in your posts.

9) I must stop now. Probably I should have written my own post.

2:36 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger Shelly Overlook said...

I feel like I could write a book in response to this post, which is fabulous, by the way, but I'll try to control myself. & now I see that Swistle has just posted and she's always a hard act to follow

I don't think you're ever absolutely ready, that there is a magic moment when you just "know" that it's time. Along with that, I don't think the worry ever goes away. Once you face and take down one worry, it will just be replaced by another. You just have to sort of embrace the worry and make it your friend because if you didn't worry, you wouldn't be a good parent. All the rest will come, good and bad, funny and gut wrenching, but isn't that what life is all about, with kids or without?

2:48 PM, September 07, 2007  
Anonymous Swistle said...

Oh! And also! Kids ARE forever but they also AREN'T. They ARE in the sense that it's not like you can change your mind once they're born. And they ARE in the sense that you always worry about them and care about them. And they ARE in the sense that you MADE them, and they wouldn't have existed otherwise. But they also AREN'T, in the sense that the day-to-day care eventually goes onto their own shoulders, and then the physical responsibility of them fades away and disappears. You're always interested in their well-being and possibly occasionally put a hand in to help out with that well-being, but they turn into adults who are ultimately responsible for themselves. I read somewhere, or maybe hallucinated it in the middle of the night, that the job of a child is to leave its parent. Even if you have a child and think it was THE WORST DECISION OF YOUR LIFE (and I think most people think that only at 3:00 a.m., or right after coming home from the hospital, or during the colicky early months, or during the toddler---never mind, this isn't helping), there is an end in sight when the child will no longer be in your immediate care and your life can get closer and closer to a non-child life. This sounds cold. I don't mean it that way. I mean that even at ages 6 and 8, my two oldest don't WEIGH on me the way my toddlers and baby do. They're already freeing themselves from me. They're FOREVER my children, but I can see that they're on their way to being their own adults. BUT! I don't think you WILL regret it. Except at the aforementioned 3:00 in the morning.

3:19 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger Tessie said...

What a lovely and thoughtful post. I just loved it.

I will say that my thoughts before I had kids looked (and still look) a lot like this.

And I will ALSO say that many people I know who've had similar worries, including ME, have had an EASIER time with parenting than they thought they would, not a HARDER time.

I think you'll do great :-)

3:29 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger Marie Green said...

Ditto on every worry and concern you voiced here. What you are thinking about is so NORMAL. And healthy. These are all things I've thought about before, every last one of them. And I worry more about little things than big things too.

David and I share the parenting, and that works out well. I think it sounds like your husband would be a good partner in parenting, which is key to surviving it all and remaining a healthy couple.

I think pregnancy and childbirth and parenting teach us that we are NOT in control. It's a tough lesson. But we can't control if we have a boy/girl, if the baby is healthy or not, if the baby is fussy or not, when the baby will be born, etc, etc, etc. It's a very humbling lesson.

As far as breastfeeding and being on certain meds- there are MANY that ARE ok, so before you right off that decision (if it's something that you would want to do), research it. And ALWAYS talk to a lactation person- OB doctors tend to be very ignorant about breastfeeding topics. Lactation people will go out of their way to help you succeed (again, if that's what you want.)
(I have extensive experience in this, so when the time comes, we'll have to talk more!)

AND I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to find out you were pregnant! You have so much to offer a child. It would be awesome!

This post ROCKS.

6:52 PM, September 07, 2007  
Blogger desperate housewife said...

It is 4 in the morning as I type this, one-handed, while rocking a cranky baby, and I am miserable from a childbirth-related bladder infection, and still I want to tell you that is not SO bad. I'm sorry if we all bitch too much and have put you off the idea of mommyhood- truly, I wouldn't trade places with anyone. I love my kids SO much, and maybe it's ultimately selfish, but they make my life very fulfilling- that's the big reason for me in growing a family. Life feels very... Real, I guess. And exciting, in a way, even though the day to day crap isn't always! It's mind-blowing to watch a child grow.
All the things you wrote about, I have also fretted over. But at a certain point we just shrugged and said, "Let's do it; we know we want to eventually and you never know how long you have, so let's just go for it." From the things you say and the amount of thought you have put into it, I am betting in your heart of hearts that you really want to be a mom- and you would be a GREAT one! (And also, almost everyone's had their babies now, so we need a new pregnant friend! Do it for us!)
Oh, and about the adoption thing- I think it's GREAT that you're so open to the idea and aren't determined to have your "own" child, cost and health be damned. I think it's a beautiful thing to do, and you and Justin would have a wonderful home to offer.

3:28 AM, September 08, 2007  
Anonymous Shannon said...

OMG, has your brain exploded yet? :) Seriously, though, I think that just the fact that you are thinking these thoughts means that you will be a great parent if and when you choose to become one, no matter the method. It sounds like your partner is right in there with you and although you can never be completely prepared for how parenting changes you, you seem to be as mentally prepared as is possible. The "I have no idea what the HELL to do" attitude is pretty much the definition of being a parent!

9:16 AM, September 08, 2007  
Anonymous Kelli said...

Sister,

Last night I had a dream that you and I moved to some town called Kirkwood or Kirksville. We both moved into the same apartment building -- into these nice, big apartments. And I was helping you pack up your stuff, because you couldn't reach the top shelves of your cabinets. And I kept pulling out lots and lots of seashells. And I was like, why do you have so many seashells?

LYMI,
sister.

9:51 AM, September 08, 2007  
Anonymous Bethan said...

I have a 10 month old and I totally went through almost every worry you wrote about, and then the worries than come after you're pregnant, which you can't even fathom! Google 24 hours a day, I tell you!

As for “when will I be ready to have a baby,” we went back and forth. I'm in school and we wanted to have a baby while I was still in school so we were like, "get the 1st year under my belt, then we'll discuss in May" because we're planners like that. Then May came around and we both freaked out and were like "What?! Why did we think this would be a good time to make this decision, let’s wait until NEXT May, almost through school, probably homeowners, AND THEN we'll think about this?" Then September rolled around and a friend and a sister-in-law BOTH had babies and we started say "What? What happened to May? We should almost have a baby by now, why didn't we get a move on this thing by now?" So I saw a doctor (we expected infertility too), started birth control, vitamins and some other medications for the possible infertility, started peeing on an ovulation monitor strip every morning because we're scientific like that, and we started...eh hem..."trying."

And of course. Right after the first "try," we both stared at the ceiling for like, 20 minutes and then said to each other, at the exact same time... "What have we done???"

So in my opinion, I don't think you'll ever really, truly, 100% feel totally and completely ready. But it all works out. Life is exactly how it is supposed to be.

10:15 AM, September 08, 2007  
Blogger Sarah said...

I had many of the same fears and worries, including the ones about medication/adopting/my own selfishness/finances/infertility, before I got pregnant and I always came to the same conclusion you seem to be coming to: "It will be okay if it happens". Well, it happened, and those worries continued, though they were strongly flavored by the "I can't *possibly* parent a child" thought, but now that I am due any day with our first son, I couldn't be more excited to finally meet this little person who has made my life downright miserable for the last 9+ months.

I still have all those worries and fears that I started out with but just as before, the overwhelming feeling is that "It will all be okay". And that feeling of acceptance is what I think signals that you'll be a good parent and get through the experience just fine.

12:06 PM, September 08, 2007  
Anonymous Pann said...

Great post... I had so many of these same thoughts before kids.

My kids really are a joyful part of my life now, and I find that as I go, I get to be myself.

You will too, when the time is right.

And as someone else pointed out... whatever meds you need, if you can take them while you are pregnant you may be able to take them still while breastfeeding, or you may be able to find another way to manage your medical needs. Don't rule out the breastfeeding (sounds like you'd like to do it as long as you can still have your medical needs met, which is something that you need not give up to be a parent!)
....
Wishing you peaceful evenings and nights... letting your worries live in your blog and not clog up your head!

8:53 PM, September 08, 2007  
Anonymous Melissa H said...

So I am exactly like Swistle's #4, we just closed our eyes and took the plunge. She's going to be two in a few weeks and we are considering doing it again (which is just as scary).

I'm no mommy expert but based on my limited experience you can raise a child without tv or junk food. You're not naive, it's quite easy. Just don't ever introduce it and they will never know what they're missing.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure vagina stitches are worse than your child turning out to be gay :) Vagina stitches are no fun but you heal up.

Can't wait to see you post about motherhood in 10 months or so.

9:16 PM, September 08, 2007  
Anonymous Sundry said...

Just wanted to say this is such a great, great post, and I have had those same worries. In fact, I am having them all over again with my SECOND pregnancy, so I don't know, for some people (me!) the decision-making never gets easier.

Also, I am DYING to know where I might fall on your mommyblog spectrum, could you maybe create a nice handy chart and plot me for my own curiousity's sake? : )

4:19 PM, September 09, 2007  
Blogger Penny said...

Yes, I overthought the whole kid thing too. It's all part of the process, I think. The sucky part is that you never get the answers to all your questions until after the fact. Generally, though, you kind of have an idea about what those answers would be anyway.

9:57 AM, September 10, 2007  
Anonymous Swistle said...

Hey! I had another thought!

Awhile back, I read an interview with....was it Sandra Bullock who married Jesse James? Yes! I remember now, yes it was. Anyway, she said she never thought marriage was a good idea and didn't want to get married. But then one day she realized hey, she could do marriage HER WAY. She didn't have to do marriage the way she didn't like when she saw it and thought it was a bad idea.

And that's what I think about parenting, too. You can do it YOUR WAY. You don't have to let them do A, B, C. You can make them do D, E, F. You can choose G over H, I instead of J. You can Choose Your Own Adventure!

8:09 PM, September 10, 2007  
Blogger CAQuincy said...

Best. Post. Ever.

2:49 PM, September 11, 2007  
Anonymous Leah said...

I think I love you. Gosh.

(I also worry that because I've spent so many years being babybabybabyNOWNOWNOW that I won't have the room to complain when pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood sucks in all the little ways it can suck. I have nightmares about saying, "The baby won't stop crying," and a whole army of people saying, "Well then you shouldn't have wanted a baby so bad, stupid girl.")

3:52 PM, September 11, 2007  
Blogger Amy said...

I'm coming up to a similar decision soon - I'm getting married in November and can't wait to start "trying" for a baby. But, gosh, all the questions that circle in my head and around our house. I think it is great you can be a little crazed, but also realize that in the end it will be fine.

9:34 PM, September 11, 2007  
OpenID parkingathome said...

It has been recommended to me that I read your blog, and while rummaging through the archives of Swistle's blog she linked this post. I have to say that I'm glad I'm here.

Thank you for your utter honesty and compelling thoughts. You put the worries and fears swirling in my head down in words in a way that makes your anxiety poetic.

I shall begin at the beginning of you, and become obsessed with your writing right this minute

5:33 PM, March 20, 2008  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

email:
powered by
NotifyList.com