Trifecta of Stupidity

5:35 p.m.

Late last night the cat got out. Escaped into the darkness.

I chased him.

Loose sand on the driveway meant I started sliding maniacally toward my car.

Ever see a bird fly straight into a window? SMACK. I sort of ricocheted off my car into the brick side of the house and landed all twisty on the driveway, and immediately started sobbing like a little girl. A pathetic sniveling little girl. Because a smacked knee? A knee smacked on a car and pavement after running full speed after a fat but strangely swift feline? PAINFUL.

This morning I was a little stiff. A bruise developing on the knee. No big deal! It was fine! Justin left for today's double-header in Colorado, and I started cleaning the house. And of course, promptly fell down the stairs while holding an open bottle of water. I successfully twisted my right ankle, banged my left knee up again, AND drenched myself. All in .534 seconds! I crouched unbelieving on the floor for a few seconds, not crying this time. The sobbing little girl had grown up, and she swore like a sailor instead. The dog came over to sniff me and tried to lick water off the floor.

He did not help me up.

My ankle wasn't too serious, so I hobbled around the rest of the afternoon stiffly. Finished cleaning the house, did laundry, went and bought some chicken and one (1) giant slice of chocolate cake, because I deserved it. I figured last night's smack-and-fall, today's tumble down the stairs, and last Sunday's puncture wound of doom on my left foot meant I deserved some cake.

It also meant I had completed a ridiculous Trifecta of Stupidity. I don't deserve feet.

After my awesome (insane) decision to go ahead and finish the house and do the laundry, I've gotten stiffer and more sore. Walking has turned into an oh-so-attractive limpy shuffle, and getting off the couch? We could sell tickets to see that spectacle.

Of course, I figured the trifecta had been completed, and I was safe. Invincible!

Until I ventured upstairs to grab some water and a glass. On my unsteady descent, I of course, OF COURSE, got my pants tangled in the baby gate we use to corral the dog, tripped, and fell again. Again ending up at the bottom of the stairs in confusion and disbelief.

Ow.

At least the water was closed this time.

I'm parked on the couch for good now.

I'm not invincible. This is a dark day. And the couch? Is cushioned.

Love,
black sheep