Rail

10:29 a.m.

I've been thinking and reading and doing some mental railing.

"Low expectations of artists' earning power have given rise to the practice of dual careers. While few question its symbolic implications, the concept of dual careers for artists is a widely accepted norm that is readily encouraged and propagated..." "The phrase dual career is a euphemism for holding two jobs, and under the Judeo-Christian work ethic it is emblematic of fortitude, stamina, dedication, and responsibility. But in reality, and in most cases, anyone engaged in a dual career for any length of time understands that it creates a life-style of frustration, confusion, stress, chaos, exhaustion, and guilt." (Caroll Michels, How to Survive and Prosper as an Artist)

This book makes some obvious observations that I tend to forget are obvious. I struggle with the guilt of feeling too tired to paint at night, and during weekends I feel guilty and ashamed when I choose to do the laundry instead of drawing, or horribly upset with myself when I want to sit and rest after a week of working (instead of gleefully standing at the easel).

What am I doing? Will I ultimately give up on art? Will I continue to be stressed and tired and guilt-ridden every night and weekend? Will I find a balance? Will I ever be able to live off my work? What happens when we have kids? Will I be working and raising a family and never touch my paints again? Will canvases go dusty and ignored? Will I be able to paint if I stay home with children?

What am I doing?

------------------------------------------
On to other things (photos).

Lately I've been practicing with the cats because I am obsessed with a certain website. The cats remain uninterested, despite my various attempts to get them to balance bottles of liquor and tools on their backs.































Self portraits (in the first I'm wearing a birthday hoodie--Justin has institued a present-a-day plan for the week leading up to my birthday, and I am LOVING it):

































Orange Valentine's roses that smell so good I want to eat them:






















Me and my lumberjack last night during a let's-make-popcorn break in the middle of a movie:
















Officially less than four months until we get married!
Love,
black sheep