baa baa black sheep

11.07.2006

Anniversaries

7:41 a.m.

I was thinking yesterday how it's been seven years since the first signs of panic disorder and depression, seven years since a boyfriend hit me in the face, six years since I tried to end my life a few times, five years since the rape, five years since I've cut myself, three years since I started to realize I had to not be in abusive/unhealthy relationships anymore, about three years since I graduated college and was divorced, two years since I realized I really really really had to get my life back on track, over two years since I would throw up after I ate, about two years since I quit antidepressants and sedatives, a year and a half since I realized I sort of liked myself, about a month of not thinking I'm fat or ugly.

And you know what?

Things are good.

I didn't know things could be steadily good for two years in a row.

I can't form words for this feeling, this looking back and bewilderment and relief and overall contentment and hope for the future.

Seven years, five years. Especially the five year mark. I never thought I'd get here.

Five years.

black sheep

2 Comments:

Blogger Rude Cactus said...

I'm truly happy for you. I'm glad things are good :-)

11:25 AM, November 07, 2006  
OpenID parkingathome said...

Isn't it amazing how you have no idea who you are when you're struggling through it all, and then end up as someone you enjoy being with who is totally different from that other person?

11:38 AM, March 26, 2008  

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