baa baa black sheep



8:30 a.m.

So we bought Justin some fancy suits, (and he looks super hot in them, and I only feel mildly bad about loudly proclaiming my scorn and disdain about navy blue suits in general to the salesperson repeatedly, and also my disgust with the obnoxious ties he kept trying to get us to buy) I visited my family and started some meds, Justin won a super fancy teaching award (he's so fancy it's unreal) and then I came home and realized it's the middle of April and we have to have the house ready to sell by the last week of April.

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed physically and emotionally right now. Starting the birth control pill (which has a history of making me vomit for the first two weeks) and an ADD medicine that is an amphetamine (which apparently makes me CRAZY for the first two hours I take it and then generally antsy and unwell) at the same time was one of my Classic Idiotic Moves that I am regretting. After a few nights spent in agony (will I puke? will I puke? will I puke?!) I read online that you can take Dramamine when you take birth control to offset the nausea, and I figured that sounded good since Dramamine knocks me out anyway. So I did that, and I had a good night's sleep.

So! Dramamine and birth control! Who knew? (Too bad I didn't know this little trick for the last, oh, six years.)

The ADD medicine seems to help me stay on task, and I can watch movies/read/remember things better. I read a book's worth on the flight there, and then a book's worth on the flight back. Hopefully this first-two-hours-I-am-insane phase will go away, or we can figure something else out when I see the doctor tomorrow. It's a clarity that is too clear, which seems like a high that has gone wrong and all paranoid and cry-y. Not that I would know! Not that I was an art student! No! But. The best thing so far is that the obsessing is getting better, and although I still have the normal list of concerns about the next two months (new! plus the worry of the incredible cost of these visits and pills!) it appears that I can put things in perspective a bit, and yesterday I didn't mentally crumble once, even when talking about how we basically have two weekends to get the house ready. The nasty things I've been obsessing about have literally been eating me from the inside out. I felt emotionally and mentally black and decayed, and gaining this perspective and putting some of those aside has been really good. I don't know if it's worth 132 dollars a month and feeling sort of sick, but we'll see how that all goes.

Look at me!

I'm all, "We'll see how it goes."


That's got to be an improvement.

Oh, and, um. Sort of missed Wyoming. When I was in a city.

I don't even know who I am anymore,
black sheeped


Blogger Swistle said...

I wonder if taking the two-hour-problems pill at another time of day would help--or does it have to be taken in the morning? If it didn't have to be taken at a certain time, maybe you could take it at night with the Dramamine and the birth control, and sleep through the crazy. Or, of course, maybe the crazy would keep you up all night being crazy.

12:38 PM, April 12, 2007  
Blogger desperate housewife said...

Oh man, I used to hate being on the pill. I ALWAYS felt sick, which sort of sucked because I'm kind of paranoid anyways, so I'd always be like, "Am I pregnant? Is this morning sickness? Is this stupid pill even WORKING?" I wasted approx. fifty dollars on pregnancy tests over the six months I was on the pill.

4:09 PM, April 12, 2007  
Blogger Mommy Daisy said...

I hope that they get all your meds figured out. Hopefully your body will adjust and it will get easier to take everything. In the meantime...hang in there.

7:35 PM, April 12, 2007  
Blogger linz said...

You are so brave, and I love you and I never, not once, thought you were worthless! So incredibly worthFULL...that's what I thought to myself, I did...and hang in! When you meant you visited family did you mean you were in St. Louis? Or were you in Denver? Miss you, Linz

12:41 AM, April 15, 2007  

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