Battle

6:49 a.m.

This week has been busy. But the realtor is coming this morning, and Justin's thesis will be submitted today, and so two Huge Things will be taken care of. The house has been scrubbed and polished, and there's only a tiny pile of rocks left to be moved to the back yard (we had two more loads delivered on Monday) and we're still waiting on the sod guy to get the sod. But! Things are essentially done. I think we might relax a bit this weekend.

I have a post to write about pigeons sometime, but I think I will save it for a morning I am not so groggy.

Instead, I will make a list that once again, is mostly related to my battles with my uterus.

1. The birth control pill sucks. I counted up, I've had only around five days in the last month that I haven't bled. This is draining (hilarious!) and annoying. I suspected it wouldn't work, since it's the same trick doctors have tried for the last three years without any luck. But I had such hope. So much hope. Maybe next month will go better.

2. I've been very irritable. And argumentative at work. Which isn't how I normally am. Things at work aren't really different than they've ever been, but I find myself being defensive. Words strike me in ways they shouldn't, and things that normally wouldn't bother me make me pissy. I can only attribute it to what has been a month of hormonal madness and rage, plus stress, but the other day things seemed especially bad when I was asked when my friends were throwing a bridal shower for me, and then, what? You're not being given a shower? Does that happen? Why is no one throwing a shower for you and what do you mean, don't you have any friends who would do that sort of thing for you?

Things like this have seemed Way Bigger and Uglier than they should be. I'm trying to keep it under control. I feel bad about it, guilty, and I swear to myself I'm not going to let anything else get to me, because I am being stupid, GEEZ, Kara, quit being so stupid! And then in ten minutes I find myself railing against something again.

Oh, the irritability.

3. So! The pill! Makes the boobs grow! I realized all my bras were cutting into me in ways that were painful and unexpected, and after several days realized oh! Look at that! I need bigger bras!

I made a trip to the local Kmart, because, well. I don't have the time to go out of town at this point. I would rather go out of town, because buying a bra at Kmart is one of the most unglamorous and humbling things ever, but. It's the only option at this point. I can't afford the ninety dollar bras at the lingerie shop downtown, and other than that my option is Walmart.

(I like how I had to excuse why I went to Kmart for a bra. It's the town's fault! I swear!)

So do you guys know what? I have never been a D cup before (I remember four or five years ago still being able to wear a DOUBLE A), and the options in D cups are limited. At my local Kmart, anyway. Especially in 32D (they had none) and 34D (they had precisely two). Mostly they had 40D's. There were certainly none in actual colors, and none that I would call "attractive." We all know I am a dirty hippie, and you won't be surprised to hear that I don't wear bras much, except to work when necessary. However, I don't want my bras to be, you know, hideous. I bought the two (one is padded and reminds me a little of a tank and one is a flimsy bit of sheer material that reminds me of things like cobwebs and wispy clouds) that were available, though. But! They're infinitely more comfortable.

Good grief.

I'm a woman, full-grown.

What are you doing this weekend?
Love,
black sheeped