baa baa black sheep

4.27.2007

Battle

6:49 a.m.

This week has been busy. But the realtor is coming this morning, and Justin's thesis will be submitted today, and so two Huge Things will be taken care of. The house has been scrubbed and polished, and there's only a tiny pile of rocks left to be moved to the back yard (we had two more loads delivered on Monday) and we're still waiting on the sod guy to get the sod. But! Things are essentially done. I think we might relax a bit this weekend.

I have a post to write about pigeons sometime, but I think I will save it for a morning I am not so groggy.

Instead, I will make a list that once again, is mostly related to my battles with my uterus.

1. The birth control pill sucks. I counted up, I've had only around five days in the last month that I haven't bled. This is draining (hilarious!) and annoying. I suspected it wouldn't work, since it's the same trick doctors have tried for the last three years without any luck. But I had such hope. So much hope. Maybe next month will go better.

2. I've been very irritable. And argumentative at work. Which isn't how I normally am. Things at work aren't really different than they've ever been, but I find myself being defensive. Words strike me in ways they shouldn't, and things that normally wouldn't bother me make me pissy. I can only attribute it to what has been a month of hormonal madness and rage, plus stress, but the other day things seemed especially bad when I was asked when my friends were throwing a bridal shower for me, and then, what? You're not being given a shower? Does that happen? Why is no one throwing a shower for you and what do you mean, don't you have any friends who would do that sort of thing for you?

Things like this have seemed Way Bigger and Uglier than they should be. I'm trying to keep it under control. I feel bad about it, guilty, and I swear to myself I'm not going to let anything else get to me, because I am being stupid, GEEZ, Kara, quit being so stupid! And then in ten minutes I find myself railing against something again.

Oh, the irritability.

3. So! The pill! Makes the boobs grow! I realized all my bras were cutting into me in ways that were painful and unexpected, and after several days realized oh! Look at that! I need bigger bras!

I made a trip to the local Kmart, because, well. I don't have the time to go out of town at this point. I would rather go out of town, because buying a bra at Kmart is one of the most unglamorous and humbling things ever, but. It's the only option at this point. I can't afford the ninety dollar bras at the lingerie shop downtown, and other than that my option is Walmart.

(I like how I had to excuse why I went to Kmart for a bra. It's the town's fault! I swear!)

So do you guys know what? I have never been a D cup before (I remember four or five years ago still being able to wear a DOUBLE A), and the options in D cups are limited. At my local Kmart, anyway. Especially in 32D (they had none) and 34D (they had precisely two). Mostly they had 40D's. There were certainly none in actual colors, and none that I would call "attractive." We all know I am a dirty hippie, and you won't be surprised to hear that I don't wear bras much, except to work when necessary. However, I don't want my bras to be, you know, hideous. I bought the two (one is padded and reminds me a little of a tank and one is a flimsy bit of sheer material that reminds me of things like cobwebs and wispy clouds) that were available, though. But! They're infinitely more comfortable.

Good grief.

I'm a woman, full-grown.

What are you doing this weekend?
Love,
black sheeped

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So. Last night I had a dream that Logan was cheating on Rory with me. And I woke up thinking, Why is Rory still with this guy? And then I was like, wait...

Sister.

8:38 AM, April 27, 2007  
Blogger Swistle said...

Hey, someone else has dreams about Logan, too! He is a busy, busy dream boy.

Do you know, I never get showers (wedding, baby) either. I have wondered why this is. Is it because my friends, they do not love me? I remembered that the situation goes all the way back to middle school, when I would arrange little in-school parties for my friends' birthdays, but then my birthday would go uncelebrated. And that is what gave me the clue. It is because I am the party-planner of the group. Everyone is used to me handling it. So when it is time for me to have a party, everyone assumes that it will be handled as usual.

Another issue is that the people I tend to like tend not to be party-planning types.

I am sorry about all your yucky hormone madness. But at least, boob enhancement!

8:44 AM, April 27, 2007  
Anonymous shuzbut said...

This weekend I have mostly been listening to the new album from Seventeen Evergreen (which I think you would love), and the newish old album by Rodrigo Y Gabriela.

And not at all worrying about the size of my breasts. Being man-boobs, they vary in size from month to month, any changes in cup size being entirely dependent on how lazy or not I have been.

8:08 AM, April 29, 2007  
Blogger desperate housewife said...

Sorry about the shower thing. Were I in Wyoming, I would throw you a heck of a shower, and Swistle would bring the brownies!

6:16 PM, April 29, 2007  

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