baa baa black sheep



7:54 a.m.

Like any normal person, after being stupidly laid off/told my last day is Friday, and freaking out because J's first paycheck will be given the end of September, and having a trip planned with a departure of Friday, and having a million things to do, I have done the following:

1) Swung wildly between sadness, rage, frustration, rage, relief, and rage. Also, rage.
2) Cried a lot.
3) Basically stopped talking/making eye contact at work.
4) Put off most of the things I really needed to do until today (Thursday). Panicked because of this.
5) Felt like a worthless, worthless human being.
6) Been unable to stop replaying the conversation in my head that started with, "We need to talk. I made a huge mistake, we can't afford to pay you after all."
7) Crazily insisted that we paint most of the upper level of our house.

At any rate, my studio is now white, the kitchen is now a cheery buttery yellow, and we're almost done with the living room/entry way/hallways. A nice slate sort of gray. Sort of a tan gray. A very nice gray. Nothing like maniacally painting walls when you feel horribly confused/angry/depressed to perk you up.


(My husband is a patient man, who has unquestioningly painted all week, even though I am obviously currently crazy and am all "Must. Finish. Before. We. Leave. MUST FINISH. MUST FINISH. MUST! OR I WILL DIE.")


When we get back I'll find another job, I'll reorganize my studio, make a lot of art, write thank you notes (if anyone knows who gave us a bottle of wine with no tag/card, fill me in), wash all the new dishes, and cross my fingers that no expensive disasters fall upon us.

I'll also post Hawaii photos.

Until then, all my love,
black sheeped

Edit, 10:39 p.m.

I figured I should do this now, before I completely forget. I was tagged for a meme by this lady,
and I'm as bad about memes as I am about remembering where my cell phone charger is. (My cell phone is usually dying/dead, if that helps explain.) "
Here are the rules: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!"

1. I have an unreasonable fear of the continental shelf. I feel that it's possible to be swimming in the ocean, wander out too far, and get sucked down it into utter darkness where scary fish have light-up antennas on their heads. Fish with lights? Gross. I have recurring nightmares about the continental shelf. Recurring. Nightmares. I know.

2. Butters from South Park lights up my life. I want to hug him all the time.

3. I'm not consistent in my habits at all. My daily routines change frequently, and the only thing that stays the same is how I lose things constantly, usually as I'm running late for something--although not as much with the ADD meds. However, at least a few times a week this results in me getting very angry and frustrated with myself, generally right before I need to leave the house.

4. I've been diagnosed with depression, panic disorder, OCD, and ADD at various points in my life. There's also been talk of bipolar and schizophrenia, although there was never serious follow through. Larry King calls ADD "ADT." This makes me happy.

5. I tell J. to look at what the pets are doing about 82,725,014 times a day. I'm sure this is annoying, but I can't help it. I think practically everything they do is magical and funny and adorable. I'd like to have about thirty more pets.

I'm not exaggerating.

Shut up.

6. I've been working on this meme for about forty minutes now, which is completely embarrassing and unacceptable on SO MANY LEVELS. I've deleted several things because I thought they were stupid/not interesting. I also have no idea how to pronounce "meme."

7. I hate the comic strip For Better or For Worse, but I've been following it obsessively for as long as I can remember. Nearly every morning results in me being angry/horrified by developments in this strip. It's awful, but I can't pull myself away from its bland flabby drama. I hate it. Hate hate hate it. I can't decide who I'd rather bitch slap, Liz or April.

That was exhausting. I think pretty much everyone has been tagged for this, but if Sagebrush hasn't, she should.



Blogger Swistle said...

But: "My husband"! That's happy!

And! You didn't like that job. So maybe now you will find a beautiful new one! And it will be awesome! And you will say, "How glad I am that I got laid off or I never would have found this job!" Or maybe the new job will suck, too, but no worse than the old job, and it will pay money! And then a celebrity will discover your art and be all like, "Yay, everybody has to go buy stuff by Kara!" And you will be rich! Rich beyond your wildest dreams! And you will drop by your old job and flash your big ol' gemstones in their faces!

10:23 AM, June 28, 2007  
Blogger Shannon said...

I can totally understand your current state of craziness but it will all end up fine (even better!) in the end.

I'm so jealous about Hawaii. Want to come to Washington to watch two mini hooligans and I will take your Hawaii tickets, ok?

11:04 AM, June 28, 2007  
Blogger Siobhan said...

Hey lady.

You are strong, and capable, and smart, and personable, and I think that the things that are happening will just force you to find something better than that job where you're underappreciated. You'll come through this and everything will be fine.

Are there any temp agencies around? Any way you can get some crappy job for a few weeks while you look for something you like?

Love you!

12:48 PM, June 28, 2007  
Blogger T. said...

Hey there missy,

I really do believe things work out for the best. All the wonderful things in my life came out of periods of pure shit, so I really do believe this.

siobhan made many excellent points. Read that comment over and over.

Here's looking forward to a job where you will be appreciated and can really shine!

Hang in there.

12:59 PM, June 28, 2007  
Blogger desperate housewife said...

Kara, I will match your previous salary if you will just come sit around my house and talk to me this fall/winter when I am housebound and undoubtedly slightly depressed with a nursing baby and a confused, jealous toddler. It's a bit of a commute, yes, but you can just sleep on our couch and fly home on the weekends, right? I'll let you paint giant murals on our walls!

8:18 PM, June 28, 2007  
Blogger T. said...

Ha ha!! I insist that A. look at the dogs, ususally Buster, all the time because he is JUST SO CUTE. Look at him, sitting there. Look at him 0 HE'S BREATHING!

I don't have the foggiest idea how to pronounce "meme" either and am petrified that I will be forced to say it out loud, in front of the President, and then I'll LOOK EVEN DUMBER THAN THE DIPSHIT.

I would just die.

11:26 AM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Marie Green said...

Sounds like a perfect time for a trip. Get out of there and your perspective will be fresh as a daisy when you return. I think you are having a perfectly normal reaction to these last few months!

12:51 PM, June 29, 2007  

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