baa baa black sheep



Those DOGS.

Yesterday morning, I had to get up super super early to drive 1.5 hours to the psychiatrist, and for about an hour put the dogs in the garage because I had only slept for 3.75 hours and they were wrestling and being all DOG LIKE and so I made them go play in the garage. Apparently, in that hour, they ripped open a new five (or ten, I'm not sure) pound bag of bird seed, and ate it. They wolfed it down it like they are a pair of stupid damned GOATS. By the time I ran home at 1:05, my husband was already in the yard with them and they were shitting seed everywhere. I mean, there were sunflower and millet seeds actually sprinkling out of their disgusting dog buttholes, and Cab was pooping out seeds AND watermelon flavored tootsie rolls AND some tootsie roll wrappers. I only had about five minutes for lunch due to a meeting, but my husband told me last night Monk pooped out seeds about every half an hour (sometimes more frequently) for the rest of the afternoon. Last night he still had piles of seeds plopping out of him, and we were pretty worried/horrified. It wasn't funny, so much as disturbing and shocking, and I just kept saying, "I can't believe it's so much." Every time Monk pooped, I would say, "I can't believe it's so much." and I still can't believe how much it was. Cab hadn't eaten as many, apparently, and was just busy passing the remaining Halloween candy he consumed Sunday. We made sure Monk drank water and got to go out as often as he wanted, and this morning he pooped some solid poop that was just sort of mildly sprinkled with bird seed, so I assume he's feeling a bit better. No more pure seed poop, so, that's got to be better, right?

This morning I went downstairs and Cab was looking suspicious and twitchy and I asked J what was up. He looked up from the computer and told me Cab was trying to hide the fact that he had a feather from a cat toy. (And was doing a bad job of it.) I looked at Cab and he put his head over the feather, then shifted nervously and put his paw over it. SMOOTH, CAB. Good job on TRICKING us. I called him to me and J picked up the soggy feather and we acted all surprised and he seemed pleased.

The moral of these stories is that DOGS ARE REALLY REALLY STUPID. And I had to have TWO. I wouldn't give up until I had TWO.

But I still love them.

Joy! They bring me joy! Pets bring joy to my life!

Do you guys think birds will eat that seed crap in the yard? We really don't want to pick it up. It's um...pretty much just pure seed, in piles around the yard. If birds would come today and flutter around all Disney-like and clean it up cheerfully, I'd really appreciate it.

Also, GROSS, I'm so mean to the birds!

black sheeped


Blogger Flibberty said...

Oh dear! I'm sorry this was stressful, but you wrote about it with such humor that I could not help but laugh. I woudl assume the little birdies will come eat it, because what's a little poop anyway? As far as I can tell, animals aren't as disgusted with poop as we are. Give it a day or two, and then, I don't know? Get a bulldozer?

Once my teeny tiny pomeranian ate an ENTIRE block of parmesan cheese. He got up on the dining room table and ate the whole dang thing. He had had the opposite problem and required intervention in the way of a suppository. It was, to say the least, horrific.

8:15 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Jess said...

The idea of birdseed literally sprinkling out of your dogs' butts is simultaneously horrifyingly disgusting and really funny. And yes, I bet the birds will eat it. And if not birds, squirrels. Do you have a lot of squirrels where you live? We always had squirrels trying to get at our bird feeders in North Carolina, so you're probably set. Try giving it a few days.

8:19 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Sara said...

This visual made me laugh so hard!!! HYSTERICAL!

8:36 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Making my way in PA said...

My own damn dog barfed twice on the carpet in our living room yesterday. He had flea bites that were bothering him so he made them so sore that he had little scabs all over his butt. Then he would chew the area. Then eat his fur. Then barf on the carpet. Then go outside and eat grass. Then barf on the carpet again. Seriously, damn dog. We took him to the vet this morning for it and they shaved his butt. So now, we have a golden retriever with a shaved butt. Guess I won't have to clean up any more barf.

But damn he is such a sweet dog and I love him.

Feel your pain.

9:04 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Mommy Daisy said...

Oh my gosh, dogs are funny...and discusting. I think the birds will eat the seed. It will be fine. And the hiding the feather thing is really cute.

9:05 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Shannon said...

I bet birds don't mind poop. However, I think some seed will germinate and you will grow..millet or whatever bird seed is.

10:18 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Artemisia said...

I am quite sure I have never laughed so hard in my life.

I apologize for laughing at your distress, but this is some funny shit! Get it! Funny shit!

I am calling you tonight, girlie.

11:26 AM, October 30, 2007  
Anonymous Pickles & Dimes said...

Hey! I just wrote about animal poop today as well.

The image of seeds coming out of your dogs' butts = FUNNY. Horrifying, but funny. And poor Cab, what with the watermelon tootsie rolls too.

11:37 AM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Shelly Overlook said...

It's so much funnier when it is someone else's dogs doing the disgusting alarming things. I'm sorry I laughed out loud at your boys, but I couldn't help it.

Baxter's brother and sister, when shut in the garage for an afternoon, ripped open a bag of concrete and ate it. Seriously, wtf??

1:57 PM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Marie Green said...

OK, I have to know if the birds end up eating the seed or not, b/c I'm just laughing at that thought. Actual laughing. God! So damn weird. And funny!

I love you dog stories.

7:45 PM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger velocibadgergirl said...

Best. Entry. Ever.

OMG I nearly died laughing.

8:53 PM, October 30, 2007  
Blogger Tessie said...

This is hilarious. I guess that's not harmful to them, it's just...FIBERY, right?

I should talk since my dog once ate POOL SHOCK and lived to tell the tale.

9:52 AM, October 31, 2007  

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